Ready or Not, Here She Comes!

The story you’ve all been waiting for. How I told Ryan I was pregnant, in a letter, 6 days into bootcamp. Not even one week in poor guy.

Ryan started bootcamp on a Monday, January 6th to be exact and I took my first test that Thursday, the 9th. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Little did I know it would end up being the best thing to ever happen to us (Hads is our world)!! However, that day I thought I was going to die. I was late for my period, which TMI wasn’t unusual for me. My periods have always been all over the place. Typically, when I’m late, I take a test, boom negative, I’m relieved and that’s that. This time it was ALOT different!! I peed on the stick, no biggie, thinking I’ve been down this road a million times, it’s always negative, it’ll be negative, and I’ll feel better right?!! I sat there waiting... watching as the first line appeared praying to God that would be it, one line is negative. But sure, enough to my disbelief the second line appears... very faint but definitely there. Maybe not, maybe I’m just seeing things... maybe this test is different than all the others. Surely two lines somehow meant negative! I wish I could put into words my reaction. In fact, I’m pretty sure I lost all color in my face and had no reaction, instead I yelled for my mom because she always tells me what I need to hear to calm my fears and anxiety! I asked her what it meant, knowing damn well exactly what it meant! This time she confirmed my fears and anxiety instead of calming them lol confirming that it was indeed a POSITIVE test!!! I think it took me 4 more positive pregnancy tests to believe it. Once I accepted that I was actually pregnant… I moved on to HOW DO I TELL RYAN? Who is currently 6 days into bootcamp. No phones, no texts, no calls, no contact other than letters through mail for 8 weeks. Imagine finding out you’re going to be a dad during probably the hardest 8 weeks of your life. Good initiative I guess lol. I went back and forth with what to do. Do I write a letter, or do I wait until he’s done in 8 weeks? I decided on the letter for more reasons than one. I sat at my desk and I am not kidding when I say I went through an entire pack of paper trying to piece together the perfect words. There was a hundred pieces of paper wadded up next to me and tears streaming down my face (bye bye eyelashes)!! Once I finally felt like it was as good as it was going to get, something like “surprise, you’re going to be a dad, good luck in bootcamp”, I stuck it in an envelope, addressed it, stamped it, and sent it on its way. Actually, my mom did that part for me lol. Then I waited... It felt like FOREVER to receive his response. I checked the mail 3x a day thinking maybe I didn’t see it the first time. Around a week later, I’m sitting at my desk at work and I get a text from his mom. It’s a picture of his letter to me. At first his letters to me got sent to his mom’s house. HE SAID, “As for the other thing, I think we can get through it, we’re pretty strong, I love you” That’s it. THATS IT!!! That’s ALL he said on that subject. I told him we are having a baby and that’s all he said!!! I was furious. When I ask now why he said that and nothing more he said he didn’t believe me. He thought I was just “being crazy”. Ok... I can be crazy lol but jeez I didn’t think I was THAT crazy. The remaining 6 weeks of boot camp we said nothing else about it. We sent letters back and forth the entire time he was gone, and we didn’t mention it again. He had no idea when I was due or when my appointments were... I was very confused lol. Anyway, he soon found out I wasn’t joking, and it was in fact it was very real. We got to see each other for a week after bootcamp, before he went to South Carolina, and I don’t think we said more than 5 words about it then either. I promised to be raw with you guys so that’s what I will do. Ryan didn’t come around to the idea for a while. We didn’t even tell his parents until I was about 4 months pregnant, and I ended up telling them by myself out of the blue one night when I was over there for dinner. Ryan wanted to tell them himself and kept saying he would, but days... weeks kept passing and he still hadn’t told them. Ryan was out of bootcamp by this time, and now stationed in Charleston, South Carolina. One night I was over there for dinner, I wasn’t planning on telling them but as we were talking, it just came out. We were talking about my life and plans I had for my future and I was leaving out what my entire future was going to be. I felt like I was lying to them. I told his mom first, and she insisted we wake up his dad and tell him; So, we did!! They were both beyond supportive. I was so relieved when I left there that night... I should have told them 4 months sooner lol. They called Ryan first thing the next morning (because he was 2 hours ahead of us it was too late to call him right then). I’m sure he wasn’t expecting a call from his parents at 6am saying they knew we were pregnant. But from that day forward everything changed. He was there, and not going anywhere. He wanted belly pics and videos of her kicking. He asked questions... lots of them and we talked about her and my pregnancy and our future every day!! Yes... it took him some time for it to become real to him, but in his defense, he found out through a letter, and was unable to be here all but one week of my entire pregnancy. It was hard for me, and hard for us. I needed him, and he was not only gone but he wasn’t acting like it was real. It felt like I was living two different lives. But once he finally accepted it, he was and is more than I could ever ask for. He stepped up and made sure we would all get to be a family, and that Hadley and I would have the most perfect life. He is the BEST daddy to Hads, and husband to me. Finding out I was pregnant, and my pregnancy was far from picture perfect. It wasn’t the typical, happily finding out we were pregnant, announcement, or gender reveal. No maternity pics of the “3” of us... I barely had a baby shower (but I did, and it was amazing thanks to my mom, sister and mother in law). At first, I didn’t want any of it. I didn’t want to announce it, I didn’t want a gender reveal, I didn’t want a baby shower, I just wanted to keep it as lowkey as possible. I’m not sure if it was because I was scared of the judgment and what people would think, or if it was simply because I didn’t want everyone in my business. For whatever reason, I wanted to keep it to myself as much as possible. And maybe that’s why I’m ready to share such a detailed story now. Sometimes I wish I would have been more open about it, because now I wouldn’t change a thing. My biggest blessing was something I didn’t ask for... that came to me unexpected in fact something I thought I was years away from being ready for. I would go back and do it all over again a million times if I knew I got Hadley girl out of it. Our story isn’t, and never has been picture perfect, and I’m sure it never will be! But that’s what makes it ours... and I LOVE OUR story <3